The Fascinating Life and Times of Me

That filthy dog keeps bringing in pieces of bird from the backyard. Today he brought in a leg, and, later, the tail area. He wants the people to think HE caught that bird. But I caught it.

It was back when I went missing for four days. The useless human let me out into the backyard, and I quickly hopped the fence into the front. I rolled around a bit in the soft grass, stretching my muscles and ridding myself of the unpleasant stench of humanity. I froze suddenly, ears pricked forward. A small flock of imbecile pigeons had landed near the gutter just down the street. They were big birds, not those dinky brown things that like to taunt me from the backyard windows. I leapt to my feet and stalked my way slowly down the sidewalk toward the birds. They were flailing around in the gutters, stupid things, bathing in the filthy water like dogs.

I crept up towards them, ears flat, and eyes sharp, channeling the wildcat blood that courses through my veins. I used my ninja-like stealth to move closer and closer, pawsteps inaudible, annoying bell silenced. When I was a foot away I paused, body flat against the ground, tail low and twitching ever so slightly at the tip. The birds were clueless. I tensed, every muscle and tendon within me quivering in anticipation and primed for battle. I chose my target: the nearest bird, back turned, an easy mark.
Without warning I leapt into the air, claws unsheathed and teeth barred. The birds scattered towards the heavens in a great fluttering of wings. My mark was only a few inches off the ground when I landed on its back, pulling it down to earth with claw and fang. It flung itself about, trying to escape my deadly grasp.

Oh! How impressed the people would be. Me, the mighty hunter, bringing home this great testament to my awesome skills. Never again would they doubt my prowess, mock my supposed inability to catch even a puny mouse. The other cats, those stupid newly arrived creatures that refused to acknowledge my inherent superiority, would never again challenge me as the alpha cat of the house.

I thought all of these things, as I held this doomed bird in my clutches. Then suddenly, unexpectedly, I felt my body being lifted off the ground. Needless to say, I was rather alarmed.

Coming Soon: Book the Second: In the Giant's Clutches