The Fascinating Life and Times of Me

Then I hit a tree. The branches thwacked against my body and I tumbled head over tail through the sticks and limbs toward the ground. I grabbed at the branches with my claws, trying to stop my fall. Finally, I caught onto a tree limb with my front paws, and I hung there for a moment, hind legs dangling, gasping for breath.

I am very athletic, so needless to say I was able to execute a pull-up until I was all the way on to the limb. It was just wide enough to lie on, so I lay there, panting and clinging for dear life to the wood. After a minute or so I started to calm down. My fur was still standing on end, so I bathed myself as best as I could while still clutching the tree. I licked my shoulder for a while, trying to get some tree sap off. Grooming is a good way to reduce ones’ anxiety.

Feeling better, I decided to take stock of my surrounding. The tree was knotted and large, filled with leafy branches because it was still early fall. Oak, I think it was. I was on a good-sized limb about ten feet from the ground, and there were quite a few branches below me, but nothing that looked like it could hold a cat. I looked toward the trunk of the tree. It was broad and rough. I had no idea how to climb down a tree. I had never even climbed up a tree before!

There was a twitter above me, and I looked up nervously. Apparently, this tree was home to quite a few of those annoying little brown birds. They all looked down at me, scolding, or were they laughing? I pinned my ears at them and hissed, but they just kept staring down and warbling like little fools.

I stood carefully on the limb and made my teetering way toward the tree trunk. The incessant chatter of birds grew louder and I growled at them in annoyance. When I was about two feet from the spot where the limb intersected the trunk of the Oak, I heard a loud flutter of wings. I froze in horror, afraid that the monstrous, hook-beaked bird had returned for me.

Then I felt a glancing blow to the side of my head, and another to my shoulder. A sharp peck at my ear. The stupid little brown birds had started to dive bomb me! They swooped down and pecked at my eyes and face, screeching angrily, hitting me with their little bodies and clawing at me with their tiny feet.

One little brown bird is no big deal. They are hardly worth the effort of hunting, they present so little of a challenge. But it is a very different story when a whole flock of them are attacking you in a tree. I ran for it, flung myself at the trunk of the tree and scrambled my way down, face first, falling half the time. I hit the ground with a thud, rolled over a few times and settled, stunned, in the weeds below. The birds swooped down at me, but now that I was on the ground I had the advantage, and I growled, hissed and batted them into a hasty retreat.

Keep on the lookout for Book the Fourth: Lost at Sea

Usually, I am very level headed in a crisis. I have suffered through vet trips and car rides with dignity and poise, not to mention bravery. I have been known to sleep through crises altogether. But I admit I was pretty concerned as I watched the ground disappear beneath me. Higher and higher I rose, smaller and smaller our neighborhood shrank below. Feeling slightly panicked, I tore my eyes away from the rooftops and looked, as best I could, at the pigeon that was still attached to me by claws and teeth. Its beady little eyes stared back at me, unblinking and indecipherable.

It occurred to me then that this pigeon, (although it was an impressively sized bird), couldn’t be strong enough to pull us both into the air. Plus, at the moment I had its right wing in my mouth. I craned my neck around and looked up, and nearly dropped the pigeon out of shock.

Just above me, with the pigeon grasped in its tremendous talons, was the largest bird I had ever seen. It was as brown as the backyard dirt, and had a hooked beak that flashed menacingly in the sunlight. Its wings, each of which were longer than my body nose to tail, pushed gusts of air down on me with each mighty flap.

I must have made some sort of gasp of shock, because this colossal monster of a bird twisted its head down and sideways, eyeing me with one of its large, gleaming black eyes. The bird’s sharp beak opened suddenly, and I winced in anticipation of a deadly peck. But instead the bird let out a piercing shriek, my sensitive ears rang in agony, and I let go of the pigeon.

And then I was falling. Falling and falling, it seemed like forever. At first I could only see the giant bird growing smaller in the blue sky above me. Then, my reflexes kicked into overdrive, my body twisted in the air, and I could see the ground growing closer and closer beneath me. I braced myself for impact and mentally crossed off yet another of my nine lives.

Stay Tuned for Book the Third: The World Below

That filthy dog keeps bringing in pieces of bird from the backyard. Today he brought in a leg, and, later, the tail area. He wants the people to think HE caught that bird. But I caught it.

It was back when I went missing for four days. The useless human let me out into the backyard, and I quickly hopped the fence into the front. I rolled around a bit in the soft grass, stretching my muscles and ridding myself of the unpleasant stench of humanity. I froze suddenly, ears pricked forward. A small flock of imbecile pigeons had landed near the gutter just down the street. They were big birds, not those dinky brown things that like to taunt me from the backyard windows. I leapt to my feet and stalked my way slowly down the sidewalk toward the birds. They were flailing around in the gutters, stupid things, bathing in the filthy water like dogs.

I crept up towards them, ears flat, and eyes sharp, channeling the wildcat blood that courses through my veins. I used my ninja-like stealth to move closer and closer, pawsteps inaudible, annoying bell silenced. When I was a foot away I paused, body flat against the ground, tail low and twitching ever so slightly at the tip. The birds were clueless. I tensed, every muscle and tendon within me quivering in anticipation and primed for battle. I chose my target: the nearest bird, back turned, an easy mark.
Without warning I leapt into the air, claws unsheathed and teeth barred. The birds scattered towards the heavens in a great fluttering of wings. My mark was only a few inches off the ground when I landed on its back, pulling it down to earth with claw and fang. It flung itself about, trying to escape my deadly grasp.

Oh! How impressed the people would be. Me, the mighty hunter, bringing home this great testament to my awesome skills. Never again would they doubt my prowess, mock my supposed inability to catch even a puny mouse. The other cats, those stupid newly arrived creatures that refused to acknowledge my inherent superiority, would never again challenge me as the alpha cat of the house.

I thought all of these things, as I held this doomed bird in my clutches. Then suddenly, unexpectedly, I felt my body being lifted off the ground. Needless to say, I was rather alarmed.

Coming Soon: Book the Second: In the Giant's Clutches

We had a lovely Pre-Thanksgiving dinner here yesterday. Lauren made an awesome turkey with stuffing all by herself. I wonder if it made the chickens nervous to see Lauren carving that big turkey right by the window?
The turkey was the crowning glory of our meal, but there was A LOT of other tasty dishes. Thanks to Lauren's cell phone, Jody's memory for phone numbers, and Jody's knowledgeable father, I was able to make a very good gravy. Becki provided us with some wonderful lit'l smokies as an appetizer and tasty crescent rolls, and even a Jello mold! The sweet potatoes were very sweet and we have a TON left. Similarly, there are lots of normal mashed potatoes we will enjoy for days to come thanks to Jody. We also had some very lovely pies made by Barbara. She was late to work so she could enjoy our Pre-Thanksgiving! And we can't leave out Jody's extremely delicious glazed shallots, for which she had to buy all of the shallots at Pedrick Produce AND send Will off to hunt down more Apple Jack.
It was quite the feast, and we actually ate a meal in the dining room, with decorative table settings, holiday napkins, and everything! Topics at the table ranged from memories of past Thanksgivings to how everyone was being very quiet because we were all eating. Becki tried to get people to say what we were thankful for, but we are a selfish, thankless bunch.

Happy Pre-Thanksgiving Everyone!

Lauren told me that there is a drive-in theater in Sac and now I really want to go there. People always talk about how few drive-ins are left, and how you should go to any of them you can find while they are still around. Disappearing history and all that.

Sacramento Drive-In is about 30 minutes away from Davis. Several websites I visited said it was closing at the end of summer to make room for a new multiplex, but the official Century Theaters website says that it is still playing films. As far as I can tell, it looks like they play most major new releases. It costs $6.25 per adult, or $4.00 on Tuesdays. Of course, to save money we can hide people in the trunk and sneak them in.

I say some weekend we get a bucket of chicken from KFC and go check it out. We could take Jody's car except it might be too cold out to put the top down. Maybe if we bring lots of blankets?

Lauren, Jody and I went to Point Reyes on Sunday. It is a National Park, so it's has to be good, right? When we got to the visitor's center is was a little rainy. I think Jody and Lauren were feeling a bit carsick, but soon we were all enjoying the exhibits.

After we wandered around the visitor's center, we went on a .5 mile hike into the past ... and into another time, to visit a Miwok village. I don't know why all the goofy pictures are of Lauren, but they are.

I knew it was going to be an awesome day when we found a banana slug crossing the trail to the Miwok village. I held the slug and named it Earl. It was slimy and didn't want to poke its eyes back out, but finally it did.
Lauren kissed Earl the Banana Slug because she is weird like that.
The Miwok village was very educational. Unfortunately this thing was locked. Jody had been inside before so she told us about it. But now I forget what she said.
We ate lunch in the car and then drove for a while toward the lighthouse. On the way we came across some cows.
Before going to the lighthouse, we went to Drake's beach, which had some pretty impressive cliffs.

Lauren built a sandcastle and I built a moat. Then I fixed the sandcastle. Jody documented the occasion on film.
We also did some rock climbing.

Lauren learned the hard was that you never turn your back on the ocean.
After we played around on the beach for a while we went to the lighthouse. It was very foggy on the peninsula. It is a pretty good hike from the parking lot to the lighthouse. Along the way we found more banana slugs. Lauren has some weird thing about kissing them.
Jody and Lauren felt the need to do some tree climbing along the way. Notice that Lauren had changed her pants after her first pair got all oceany when she turned her back on the mighty pacific.
There were a lot of stairs to get down to the lighthouse. 302 to be precise. Plus, a lot of the path was very steep but had no stairs. Going down was pretty easy.
Going up was not easy. It was quite a hike. When we finally made it to the top we were pretty tired. Later, when we talked to the guy at the gift shop he said they worried about people having emergencies on the hot days. I bet they get a lot of emergencies on those stairs.
I found this picture of the lighthouse. You couldn't really see it when we were there what with all of the fog. But we did get to hear the foghorn.
On the way back to the car, we saw some dear on the banks along the path. At one point a deer attempted to leap up the bank and tripped. It was very funny.
At this point the sun was starting to set. We drove to North Beach and walked around on the sand. It was ridiculously gorgeous out for a while, with misty air and a pink and baby blue sunset. These very pretty pictures do not do it justice.



While we were at the beach Jody hung out with some seaweed.
We also found an abalone attached to some seaweed that had somehow been opened. It was interesting but a little icky.
North Beach was a very nice way to wrap up our day at Point Reyes.
After that we had an uneventful drive home. Or maybe we got a little lost and took the long way back. Through a very winding road in pitch black and periods of dense fog. At least no one got carsick.
We all seemed to enjoy ourselves enough to want to come back again when it is a little sunnier out. A park ranger suggested March as a good month to go whale watching along the coast. I also want to come back and go on a trail ride. I think it would be very peaceful and pretty. But maybe I won't take the stairs to the lighthouse next time. And maybe when driving home I will try to do a better job following the map.

The anamorphic cat I created suggests that man is not so far removed from animal or vegetable.

I also carved this pirate pumpkin because I think pirates are neat.

Here is a good picture of it in the daytime so you can see the awesome eye patch.

In my opinion, each pumpkin captures the essence of its creator. They are masterpieces, one and all.